Your Netflix queue is composed of two kinds of movies and TV shows:
1. Shows you will have delivered to you, watch, and return.
2. Shows you will have delivered to you but never watch, or shows you will never have delivered to you.
Why do we queue up movies we won’t watch, or won’t even have delivered? Are we trying to impress someone? Are we trying to fool ourselves? Are we trying to change our own habits? Are we trying to improve our movie-watching? By what standard? And is it working?
The Netflix queue is a case study in perfectionism. It shows how we let our inner critic create guilt for us, which stops us from doing what we actually want to do in our lives. Here’s the thing: your actual movie-watching habits are already perfect. Netflix, like the entire universe, is there to let you do what you want to do. It’s a service that robotically delivers exactly what you ask for. So don’t try to impress the machine by delivering Hotel Rwanda to your house, if you know you’ll never be in the mood to actually watch it. Bubble up a show that interests you. Have something delivered that makes you eager to rip open that red envelope and make a batch of popcorn.
I’ve been working on notes and ideas for a new story for a few weeks, and I’ve noticed a kind of “Netflix guilt” guiding my story. I’m writing about what I feel like it should be about, rather than what excites me. I fall into a pattern of making it about the Big Serious Drama of Life, and find that my mind wanders and instead of writing I go fiddle on the internet or play games on my phone. It’s because I’m letting my inner critic dictate the writing instead of joy. I’m not eager to return to my writing journal because it’s like a queue full of Hotel Rwandas. I need to clear those Important Dramas out of there and fill it up with action-adventures and crime thrillers — the stuff I actually like to watch. I am not impressing anybody by filling up my private writing with heavy and sober topics. Even more important, if I am not eager to return to that sober, pain-filled stuff, I am not writing.
Seriousness points are not the goal. Enjoying movie night is the goal. Getting your book written is the goal. Your tastes are already perfect.
Another interesting analogy. Here’s to popcorn and typing….
I have a serious beef with Netflix. I’ve had the same two movies for three months now, going on four.
Yip. I’ve paid almost $68 for those two movies. And they’re clearly movies I have no interest in watching!
😦
Great post. I had filled up our queue with many documentaries, but rarely wanted to watch them. Too often, they are downright depressing or non-impactful anyway. There are some good ones out there, however. And I really liked Hotel Rwanda.
“…find that my mind wanders and instead of writing I go fiddle on the internet or play games on my phone.” LOL I go through this at times 😦 uggggh.
We all fall prey to the societal notion, undermine our own interests.
I am glad I had stopped watching MAD MEN, I never liked it, all its golden globe win forced me to it.
LOL! Great blog post! 🙂
It looks like you’re dealing with an important distinction between recreational writers and professionals. I don’t believe for one second that writing from joy is always a path to better writing. The best writers write from everywhere; joy, love, anger, anxiety, boredom, depression, confusion or just from picking goals as exercises in discipline. You certainly have to write about things you aren’t easily inspired by (but believe are important) if you expect to improve.
I liked the Netflix analogy, though. I do it with TiVo, scheduling films and shows to record when I’m sleepy. It ends up the same as drunk-dialing. I wake up, look at what’s on the drive and go “Why the hell did I record that?”
When we were still receiving discs (we just opt for the streaming account now), I know my biggest problem was that I’d want to watch the movie/show I got in the mail, but I just wasn’t in the mood for it right then. I was never one of those people who stayed on top of her queue and made sure she was ‘in the mood’ for whatever was being sent her way.
I love the Netflix queue as a metaphor for life! It feels so true to me, given that my queue is full of things I think I ‘should’ watch… I wonder who I’m trying to kid.
And congrats on FP!
Alright, this has inspired me to return this movie we’ve had for two months. My husband is the worst about this!
[…] Your Netflix queue is composed of two kinds of movies and TV shows: 1. Shows you will have delivered to you, watch, and return. 2. Shows you will have delivered to you but never watch, or shows you will never have delivered to you. Why do we queue up movies we won't watch, or won't even have delivered? Are we trying to impress someone? Are we trying to fool ourselves? Are we trying to change our own habits? Are we trying to improve our movie-watc … Read More […]
It’s interesting how Netflix can conjure up movies that are similar to the title you’re searching for. It’s it reading my mind.
I made the mistake of giving my husband our Netflix password. We get LOTS of movies and shows I’ll never watch. He sure loves them though, hahaha.
I find part of the reason queued movies for me go unwatched is length. If it’s over two and half hours, I always go “eh, I’ll watch it some other time…I swear!” And then it never happens. I think some people are too intimidated (myself included) by movie length; it’s just that for me, the threshold where a “movie” becomes a “long movie” is 2.5 hours; for everyone else, it seems like 90 minutes is a stretch.
So true. I’ve been hoarding pretentious junk on my instant queue that looks interesting, yet I find myself going back to movies and tv shows I’ve seen before–the stupider, the better. I’ve also noticed I will not really care about what dvd comes in the mail, and rather focus most of my attention on what I can find via streaming. Instant gratification much?
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Much like the Most Interesting Man in The World in the Dos Equis commercials, I don’t always comment on blogs, but when I find one that resonates, I do!
I think Netflix guilt is tied in with your post on “Trust the Process”. We sometimes do what we think the cool kids want to see us do, rather than the geeky stuff we really love.
Stay geeky, my friends!
The trouble for me is, everything in my queue is something I do want to watch. It’s just never what I’m in the mood for when I get it. If I’m in the mood for a cheesy horror flick, what I have from Netflix will inevitably be a documentary. When I’m ready for a documentary, all I’ve got is zombie movies. 😀 I’ve found though that watching anyway, even if I’m feeling like “I’m not in the mood for this” usually turns out well for me. There are a lot of films that you’ll never feel entirely in the mood for, especially if they’re weightier things like Hotel Rwanda, but in the end you’re glad you watched them.
Really though, I don’t think the actual mailed DVDs are where it’s at anymore… I’m nuts about my digital queue. Usually I can find something I want to watch right that instant, on demand.
Thank you! I have been on the fence about several book ideas. Trying to figure out which one is the “right” one to tackle. Also, trying to battle my inner demons…should I write about people that are still living? What if my portrayal of them is offensive? Does it matter? Shouldn’t I just write what I want to write, without regard for how it will reflect (i.e., poorly) me as a person? Why do I care so much about what other people think of my writing? Does my writing have to imitate another’s style? Why isn’t it just good because it’s mine and tells my story, my perspective, the world as I see it? Albeit indirectly, your post has given me a well needed dose of reality. Writing matters. Not what other people think of your writing. Case in point: Ginsberg’s Howl.
thanks for your post–the concept reminds me of the bookshelf–do our bookshelves reflect who we are or who we would like to be? I guess it depends on whether we have actually read the books or not. The netflix cue is not shared with anyone, so we are only talking to ourselves-but I know when I have people over they peer at my bookshelf, and when I ever go anywhere, I zone in on the bookshelf.
I work at our public library (and blog for the library) and I have to say that looking at what people normally check out… we all try to check out things we like. Horror movies, comedy and thrillers are the most popular.
However, people often request movies that are “good” for them. I am really surprised how often someone is checking out a documentary or a biography movie from the library. Maybe there is a part of us that feels good about “improving” ourselves by watching something that might teach us something.
I love your comment at the end of the post: “Your tastes are already perfect.” Wonderful!
Susan from the Richard Burges Library
Mm, I have that problem where I’m writing something and then start wandering off to play sudoku. I guess it’s because I’m too focused on what other people would want to hear instead of what I want to write/hear. I guess that’s the same with Netflix queues or book lists where you think you should check this out, but you really want to check something else out. Nice post! 😀
To funny! I’ve had a movie sitting by the TV for weeks now. Who am I kidding? I’m NEVER gonna watch it. Back it goes. Congratulations on Freshly Pressed.
I don’t have Netflix, but I do have a list of movies I’m trying to watch this year. As a recent film school grad, I watch movies for “academic” reasons all the time. Out of the 16 I’ve seen so far this year, I only really like about 4 of them. But at least I can understand what people are talking about when they refer to the other 12.
Great post! This is definitely something I’ve noticed too, in myself and others. I’ve been trying to wean myself from adding movies I won’t watch, but as an arts/entertainment writer, it’s hard to let go of the habit. My queue–especially my Instant queue–is full of movies I think I *should* watch, but then I end up sifting through for some feel-good films half the time anyway. It’s also hard because I really do enjoy art films and classic, thinky films, but you’ve got to be in the right mood for those. Just like life, as you’ve mentioned. There are the things we think we should be doing, and the things we actually want to do. Both are equally valid. Thanks for the reminder.
This so strongly relates to our reading lists too! We struggle between wanting to like those “classic” or “important” texts and craving the ones that actually suit us! I try to read (and queue up) a mixture. I can never sit still long enough to watch a movie in one go, so I am generally watching two movies at a time. The serious one and the relaxing one.
The casuistry actually goes much further. With some, the queue is part of the permanent record. So, you see, the trashy selections we make can be balanced in part by the “positive points” gained from loftier choices. Whether we actually watched the film is less important than the fact that we “wanted to” and “would” have watched it. There are also, trifecta choices, that is they lavishly display the loftier side while supplying full doses of trashiness, Rome comes to mind.
English accents, historic pretensions and the full quid of flesh.
I’ve never thought about writing in Netflix terms before, but it makes sense. When I have something I “should” write rather than something I want to write, I tend to drag my feet and procrastinate as much as possible.
Netflix makes me mad. I’ve given it up and have been doing more productive things similar to what this guys been making…Very cool and creative.
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[…] Beyer reflects on this simply but eloquently in a recent post at his eponymous blog, which is “about writing and food.” While you’re there, […]
Great post! I’m a recent Netflix convert (going on four months now), so I’m still pretty on top of my queue. I love the analogy, though. I think even before Netflix, people were doing this with their physical DVDs, VHS, etc. If they had a bunch of movies, they put the more “impressive” looking ones (however they judged that) in the front.
The money beets, if you will (thanks to Dwight Schrute, for that one).
Nice analogy. Netflix is a heaven sent to me- otherwise I just would not see any TV-series anymore… who has time to watch TV?!?!….lol…
This is a question I’ve pondered myself over the course of the years of my Netflix subscription. It’s true, a movie I was set on pursuing just weeks early is returned unwatched. I eventually forced myself to watch at least the first ten minutes of every movie to see if it could catch my interest and identify why I was attracted to it in the first place. I don’t have a simple solution like this for the other Netflix-type behavior in my life. All I know is now that I’m in Brazil, where there is no Netflix, I miss them immensely. I miss the options.
I always try to cull my queue of movies that I would never watch. There is enough movies that I still have not seen to keep a steady stream of entertainment — especially when you did into the live streaming tv series — to my tv. A lot of the time I just keep a movie for a while or leave my queue empty if I’m not going to watch anything.
The live streaming to your tv over a game consol or other hookup is a life changing technological advancement.
I know the feeling you describe. Back when I blogged on a daily basis I kept a list of topics. Sometimes I’d review it and groan, not seeing anything I WANTED to write about. Worst still, I blogged for “personal enjoyment”!
I, too, find myself writing about what I think my audience wants to read. The best feedback I’ve ever received was on an anecdotal piece about a colossal 22-pound ham my girlfriend and I bought and ate in three weeks.
It wasn’t intended to be funny, but it was received that way because of the honesty and confession in it.
Anyways, keep up the great posts!
I love this! Such a great insight. I do this all the time with my Netflix account, but never really thought about it. I’ve had The Hurt Locker for weeks, and I know I’ll never watch it! I’d rather be enjoying Sex & The City, or something mindless at the end of the day.
I wonder if Netflix has thought about this? Or if they should? It might affect the “Suggestions” piece of their website.
There is wisdom here. I have learned not to worry too much about either Netflix or blogging. I try to plan ahead, but I change my mind often, so I shelve ideas and remove/return films. I’m okay with that.
One thing I have learned, is that the higher my stress level, the more comedies I need to watch. I also prefer to write in a humorous way to diffuse stress, if I can.
I used to be this way. I tried to line up all the favorites from all the major film festivals, all the Oscar nominees and those billed to be cult classics. Now I watch anime, Lord of the Rings, historically inaccurate action flicks, and SyFy original movies. I’m a lot happier.
NetFlix, GOD! I’ve watched way too much Top-Gear and Mythbusters, and I think NetFlix has gotten me addicted to shows where things go fast and blow up. However I do have to say that there is an art to presenting a show about things that blow up. The Mythbusters water heater episode is a classic. Our queue is also full of things we are not that interested in watching but feel compelled by cultural pressure. I am often amazed how a movie can win so many awards yet be utterly incomprehensible.
With the advent of on-line netflix watching, I am tempted to cut off delivery of disks completely!
Thanks, everyone, for all the great comments! I’m strangely glad to hear there are so many kindred spirits with (or recovering from) self-inflicted Netflix guilt. May we all get over our queue-driven afflictions. (I’ll probably see Hotel Rwanda once Netflix stops shipping DVDs and becomes a dedicated direct-to-brain-chip download service.)
Love this post.
You make a very good point for writers. If something doesn’t quite fit into a genre or theme we might try to force it for reasons completely unrelated to what we’re actually writing. And we shouldn’t be trying to impress anyone. We just have something unique to share.
Thankfully, my boyfriend runs our Netflix queue, so I just watch what shows up without a care in the world.
LOVE Netflix! Although sometimes I get really caught up in adding so many movies/tv shows to my instant que! I’ve got 265 in instant and 70 in my DVD que. Although I never try to fool myself I just choose movies *I* want to watch. If I do end up placing one in that I know I don’t actually want to watch I will eventually end up removing them.
I love netflix, but feel embarrassed I have so many Rob Schneider movies in my top ten reccomendations list.
Ha ha, nice post! 🙂
This is why I have become a victim of this “Netflix Guilt”….it’s a love hate relationship.
I love this! Such a great insight. I do this all the time with my Netflix account, but never really thought about it. I’ve had The Hurt Locker for weeks, and I know I’ll never watch it! I’d rather be enjoying Sex & The City, or something mindless at the end of the day.
I wonder if Netflix has thought about this? Or if they should? It might affect the “Suggestions” piece of their website.
I blame the fact that it insists on having ten back up movies, when I only ever look at the site to see if it has something none of my local video shops have in-store.
Good one… congrats on being freshly pressed.
What’s with waiting months to get a new release because everyone else is watching it too??? Who are these people that are getting first dibs at the popular movies??? And why do they have horrible movies for instant streaming? It’s like, “no one wants to watch these movies anyways, let’s throw it up on streaming”.
Is there just an instant streaming movie rental? Where I don’t have to wait two days in the mail for a movie? Anyone?
We tried Netflix a while back (did the mail one). We have recently got it back, but just do the streaming over my Xbox. The thing that bugs me is that as big as Netflix has gotten, I still don’t see the newer movies on there as quick or as often as I think it should be by now. The Xbox also has Zune on there & you just pay for each movie with your Microsoft Points, but the movies are new just like if you had gotten them from Blockbuster. Great post…..& by the way, “Hotel Rwanda” is a great movie!
I am so glad I got Foxtel. Netflix sounds quite annoying. But for an artsy movie, I do need to be in the mood. When I am very tired, I like feel-good films because they don’t require me to concentrate. I have never really got a movie that I did not want to watch – I usually go in and select what I like and what I will watch.
I’m so glad I read this. Such great advice!
i have a habit of borrowing movies and returning without watching them
Brilliant insight on both counts, writing and the Netflix queue! Coincidentally I just cleared a bunch a junk outta my queue yesterday. Now I hafta go back and do it again, with this new awareness.
That was such a great article! I needed something deep to inspire me this morning. Thank you!
I can go you one better – I have a giant sliding pile of movie magazines that I can’t recycle until I add their recommendations to the queue (currently at 432 movies). Thanks for the thoughts on subject matter too – I’m in the SAME place right now.
Thank you for this. It really made me think about some things…and I think I’ll be better off for it. You have some VERY compelling points.
I have way too many movies in my queue. So many it’s embarrassing. It’s just hard to find the time to watch them when you work so much but I love Netflix because I’ve seen a lot of movies I never would of had the chance to.
Why would anyone want to put movie’s on their list that they don’t want to or will never watch?
My list is filled with movies I wanted to go to but missed at the theater. Older movies that I loved and want to see again. Movies I wanted to see that were on a limited release and never made it to Omaha. And a few movies I never heard of that popped up on my suggestions that sounded good.
Why would I put down movies I think I “ought” to see? If I didn’t want to see it before I’m not likely to want to see it now. I’ll only try to watch something that I “ought” to see on Instant Viewing. That way I only lose 15 mintues if I don’t like it. Then I don’t have to wait another 2 – 3 days for something better to come in tha mail.
This is so deep. Me too, I always put a lot of movies into the queue which I think I “should” see, hahahaha, but so true that i never watch them, coz I feel they are boring, hahaha
I feel the same way about my “books to read” list. I have a list full of things I *should* read… but keep secretly picking up fantasy YA from the library.
We all fall prey to the societal notion, undermine our own interests.
I am glad I had stopped watching MAD MEN, I never liked it, all its golden globe win forced me to it.